Another shitty day. I did everything right. I woke up with 9 hours of sleep, I exercised, I meditated, I ate correctly, went in and FUCKING STUNK UP THE TOWN. A crappy day without a single good reaction. I'm some kind of fucking loser. Seriously, my brain is flooding my consciousness with images of me being a weird loser with no friends.
Totally shitty. I'm pissed off. I didn't approach 3 girls that I should have and I didn't approach maybe a dozen girls that I COULD have. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel like I'm back at square one when I had massive approach anxiety, but more importantly, no sexual options. I feel like I have no choice, no options now, because I'm some kind of weirdo. What is my deal?
Somebody wing me, please! Tell me if I'm doing something bizarrely WRONG in my sets! I feel like something egregiously wrong is happening, like my dick is hanging out of my pants, or I'm Godzilla, or I'm holding a knife. Why these bad reactions? Why this shitty time? And why are the shitty reactions making me FEEL shitty?
AAAHAGHAHGAHHGHSGHGHA Scream therapy session in progress!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
craptastic day.... haven't 'sarged' in like 5 days, and today barely counts ARGH worst title ever
a crappy day. very few sets, and almost as few good reactions. one set that went well, despite being asexual, clinical, and frankly not that great. I spoke fairly slowly though, so that's good. I got an asian girl who sped up and fixed her vision on a point in the distance to ignore me. i have 4 regrets today as far as girls I should and could have talked to, yet did not talk to.
i felt really crappy. I'm doing something massively wrong when I open sets. I don't know what it is. It's probably a fuck up of all subcomms, and seeking rapport, and being non-interesting. Ooops.
i felt really crappy. I'm doing something massively wrong when I open sets. I don't know what it is. It's probably a fuck up of all subcomms, and seeking rapport, and being non-interesting. Ooops.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Updating again.
I've been updating like crazy today. Inspired by Awesome's post, and further inspired by Brahmin, I'm officially turning off the porn. Withholding the hand entirely was kind of messed up, although a 5-day cycle seemed to work fairly well in terms of increasing my overall aggression and intent.
But no more porn. Watching slim black chicks with wavy-lined fake DD's is fucking with my imagination. It's too sterile, too unreal, too silly. I'm going to think about women I meet and see and wanted to meet but couldn't because of some obstacle I couldn't overcome and not because of impression obsession (ijjjji's take on "approach anxiety"). Plenty of material there, as long as I regularly stay in the field and follow up.
First step is getting a legit day 2 with black girl near where she lives, figuring out her logistics, and hopefully banging her at her place. That happens this week, or else she gets LJBF'd by p1an0hands, the MPUAG/HHM/WKE Master Pick Up Artist Guru/Hog Hunting Master/Whiz Kid Extraordinaire. I'm tired of texting her like once a week for the last 3 weeks. I need more numbers, wooden or otherwise. The more DOWN my subcomms get, the more solid the interactions will become, and the more real the number closes will be. The more real the numbers are, the easier it will be to show up at the door and commence hog hunting.
But no more porn. Watching slim black chicks with wavy-lined fake DD's is fucking with my imagination. It's too sterile, too unreal, too silly. I'm going to think about women I meet and see and wanted to meet but couldn't because of some obstacle I couldn't overcome and not because of impression obsession (ijjjji's take on "approach anxiety"). Plenty of material there, as long as I regularly stay in the field and follow up.
First step is getting a legit day 2 with black girl near where she lives, figuring out her logistics, and hopefully banging her at her place. That happens this week, or else she gets LJBF'd by p1an0hands, the MPUAG/HHM/WKE Master Pick Up Artist Guru/Hog Hunting Master/Whiz Kid Extraordinaire. I'm tired of texting her like once a week for the last 3 weeks. I need more numbers, wooden or otherwise. The more DOWN my subcomms get, the more solid the interactions will become, and the more real the number closes will be. The more real the numbers are, the easier it will be to show up at the door and commence hog hunting.
Be timely
I was reminded about something very important last night as I was hanging out with Brahmin and his friends in a suburb outside of Boston. We were chilling out and he had this friend, who I will call Craig.
Craig would say things during the course of the conversation that were clearly originating from an authentic source, were sometimes spot-on and funny, but more important, something spontaneous, real, and timely.
There was another friend who I will call James, who was the opposite. He was clearly in his head, my guess being as a reaction to so much funny and timely authentic shit being tossed around (which can be intimidating, coming from personal experience). So, he was coming up with stuff that was probably as funny or more so, but it was delivered too late.
We almost never laughed at or even noticed James's stuff, but always laughed at Craig's stuff.
What's the point? Well, the obvious one is "don't get into your head", because it's like keeping the e-brake engaged while you're racing.
However, the point I want to make is this: a timely and relevant thing (joke, topic, conversation thread) is always superior to a untimely and relevant thing. What does this mean? For guys who are waiting for someone to stop talking so they can say funny shit to get that all-wonderful reaction, STOP. Not only is it inauthentic (as in not originating from your core, and not designed to amuse yourself, but to amuse others), but it just doesn't WORK in the sense of getting the desired reactions.
I would even say this: if, while talking to someone, and halfway through them talking, you come up with a funny joke or totally relevant anecdote, fact, etc., DROP IT, and come up with something else that's relevant when he/she finishes talking. It helps you strengthen your ability to come up with authentic things, stay out of your head, appreciate AND LISTEN TO what the other person has to say, and even to get a better reaction, if that's all you care about.
Craig would say things during the course of the conversation that were clearly originating from an authentic source, were sometimes spot-on and funny, but more important, something spontaneous, real, and timely.
There was another friend who I will call James, who was the opposite. He was clearly in his head, my guess being as a reaction to so much funny and timely authentic shit being tossed around (which can be intimidating, coming from personal experience). So, he was coming up with stuff that was probably as funny or more so, but it was delivered too late.
We almost never laughed at or even noticed James's stuff, but always laughed at Craig's stuff.
What's the point? Well, the obvious one is "don't get into your head", because it's like keeping the e-brake engaged while you're racing.
However, the point I want to make is this: a timely and relevant thing (joke, topic, conversation thread) is always superior to a untimely and relevant thing. What does this mean? For guys who are waiting for someone to stop talking so they can say funny shit to get that all-wonderful reaction, STOP. Not only is it inauthentic (as in not originating from your core, and not designed to amuse yourself, but to amuse others), but it just doesn't WORK in the sense of getting the desired reactions.
I would even say this: if, while talking to someone, and halfway through them talking, you come up with a funny joke or totally relevant anecdote, fact, etc., DROP IT, and come up with something else that's relevant when he/she finishes talking. It helps you strengthen your ability to come up with authentic things, stay out of your head, appreciate AND LISTEN TO what the other person has to say, and even to get a better reaction, if that's all you care about.
Update
I'm extending Slow Week (Slow rate of speech week) by another week. The beginning of Brain Fart week is August 5th.
Also, August is officially PUSH/PULL month. I'm going to be focusing very heavily on push pull. Also, I hope to be going out a lot more solidly. That means a schedule and days that i must go out.
I might start doing the going out until 12:30 and taking the train home thing. It's a massive investment of time, but it might be worth it, despite the hottest sets not being around until about midnight.
Also, August is officially PUSH/PULL month. I'm going to be focusing very heavily on push pull. Also, I hope to be going out a lot more solidly. That means a schedule and days that i must go out.
I might start doing the going out until 12:30 and taking the train home thing. It's a massive investment of time, but it might be worth it, despite the hottest sets not being around until about midnight.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sub-Communication
Subcomms that I could REALLY improve, in order of potential for improvement:
-Speed of talking
-Verbal Farts (uh, you know, right, um, like)
-Tonality
-Facial expression
-Eye contact
-Fashion/fit
-Voice Projection
-Body Language
This week is Speed of Talking week. I must speak more slowly with EVERYONE 24/7 until Wednesday the 30th. Starting next Wednesday, it's Verbal Fart Week, and so on.
-Speed of talking
-Verbal Farts (uh, you know, right, um, like)
-Tonality
-Facial expression
-Eye contact
-Fashion/fit
-Voice Projection
-Body Language
This week is Speed of Talking week. I must speak more slowly with EVERYONE 24/7 until Wednesday the 30th. Starting next Wednesday, it's Verbal Fart Week, and so on.
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Sexual Hang-Up Post
It's all in capitals because this shit is important to me. I read a snippet from Nancy Friday's "My secret Garden" and I had the reaction of feeling incredibly insecure. Truth is, I'm always insecure about my sexuality around women. It's something I want to change, because that will spell success for me once I can get my head around my hang-ups and really become comfortable with sexuality and fucking and all the straight-up hardcore details that make me uncomfortable right now.
OK. Let's get started.
My first sexual experience was actually with a male friend of mine when I was 5 or 6. I guess this is pretty normal? I've read it elsewhere that it's common to have that kind of experience. Anyway, I looked back at that for a long time and it confused me about my sexual orientation during my teens. I've since come out of that decidedly heterosexual lol. Point being, I really came into sexuality confused and this lasted for a long time, even affecting me to this day.
Growing up, I was ashamed of my sexuality. I remember some of my earliest sexual experiences being incredibly embarassing. I wrote a poem when I was 11 about this girl's vagina (no I hadn't been there lol) and my parents found it, and CONFRONTED me about it. I vaguely recall them telling me how it was wrong or something. I had to hide everything sexual from my parents from that point onwards, and felt that sexuality was something shameful that I shouldn't have.
The first time a girl showed any interest in me (at age 16), I flipped my shit and "supplicated" her hardcore. Anyway, she was in Maine, and I in Massachusetts, so I went up to see her and it was super super awkward. On the plus side, her mom made us cookies, so that was cool. Otherwise, I was WAY too ashamed of my sexuality and who I was to ever try and escalate. I assumed she was just mistaken or confused by being attracted to me. I went back and didn't talk to her again for years.
My first heterosexual sexual experience was also incredibly strange. I was 17 and at French camp. I ended up dancing with this chick from Mexico during a dance on the first or second night, which BLEW MY MIND. She was 14. We went outside and talked. I was scared shitless and did not escalate. We hung out twice more, and on the third time, easily the creepiest thing ever happened. I finally decided it was time to escalate. We were sitting in this empty area next to the basketball court indoors, and we were talking. We both stopped talking, and I put my hand on her. Literally, it was like a scientific experiment. She could have been a Sequoia tree or a stuffed bear. I started rubbing my hands over her. All over her. Like, think of the most uncalibrated and weak-ass cavemanning ever. I was just rubbing my hand, open-palm all over her, except for titties, and mostly not covering her face. We did that for about 20 minutes. No talking, just awkward KINO. In retrospect, I am fully surprised that she didn't kick me in the balls and run away. She must have REALLY liked me to put up with it. Anyway, later that night, I got to kiss her cheek. It was awesome. For whatever reason, I stopped liking her and kind of blew her off for the rest of French camp.
My first time penetrating a female, it gets perhaps even more embarassing. I was 20 in college. My friend M, who later became a FB of mine a few years after, came up to visit me at school. She stayed in my room. I somewhat kinoed her and ended up literally BEGGING her to have sex with me. She literally gave me a PITY FUCK. If that wasn't bad enough, I was awful at it (not surprising nor unusual), but it was so bad that she just stopped me after 5 minutes and said something like, "Let's just go to sleep." It wasn't LMR or ASD. She was just completely turned off by the crappy sex. So that struck a blow to my sexual confidence.
A lot of my insecurity stems from feeling like I can't perform. I have yet to ever cum inside a female. I've had several more sexual experiences since then, but I've always had to finish manually. It makes me feel weird. I've never had regular sex with a girl before. It's usually ONS situations. The most I've ever boned a single girl is maybe 6-8 times. My total sexual experience is very small, despite being with perhaps what I would consider a normal NUMBER of females for a "normal"/AFC dude. I really want to experience the sex that everyone ELSE talks about, where they experience emotions and physical satisfaction and intimacy. Every time I fuck, it feels like I'm attempting a difficult trapeze maneuver or writing a philosophical treatise. Also, my wang is super sensitive and it hurts if a girl handles it marginally roughly. One time in Vegas, this girl was beejing me and doing that thing with her hands where she kinds of does an indian rug burn maneuver with both hands, and it was SEVERELY PAINFUL. So I feel like I can't have normal casual sexual relations without experiencing some hardcore pain.
Reading "My secret garden" caused me a lot of anxiety, because I feel like I can't even satisfy myself, so how could I satisfy all these bizarre fetishes or even basic sexual minimum req's for women? They fantasize about cheating and all that shit, and I know I can't hold a candle to most other guys my age. I'm totally incompetent with sex, despite reading DEVI, etc. I lack practical experience. I can't satisfy nor keep up with the kind of women I want in my life.
So. Now that THAT is out there, let's move on to the important shit: what to do about it.
A lot of this will probably self-correct if I:
-withhold the hand
-have/attempt more sex, and gain basic competence
-PUSH MY GAME ALWAYS, and really put myself in a position to confront this issue head-on
-perhaps get a short-term girlfriend and spend all my time banging her brains out until I can do it right. That still would require more game than I'm currently spitting. My current game is foul.
BRIEF ASIDE: I hate it when guys in the community say things like, "Getting sex is easy. It's XYZ(intimacy, self-respect, etc.) that's hard." Getting sex is not easy for me. I don't even have a rough idea of how to get from meet to sex with the kind of game I'm generally running these days. You guys got better at this way faster than me, and although I'm not self-conscious about my slower learning curve, it's obnoxious hearing this stuff. QUIT TELLING ME GETTING LAID IS EASY!
OK. Let's get started.
My first sexual experience was actually with a male friend of mine when I was 5 or 6. I guess this is pretty normal? I've read it elsewhere that it's common to have that kind of experience. Anyway, I looked back at that for a long time and it confused me about my sexual orientation during my teens. I've since come out of that decidedly heterosexual lol. Point being, I really came into sexuality confused and this lasted for a long time, even affecting me to this day.
Growing up, I was ashamed of my sexuality. I remember some of my earliest sexual experiences being incredibly embarassing. I wrote a poem when I was 11 about this girl's vagina (no I hadn't been there lol) and my parents found it, and CONFRONTED me about it. I vaguely recall them telling me how it was wrong or something. I had to hide everything sexual from my parents from that point onwards, and felt that sexuality was something shameful that I shouldn't have.
The first time a girl showed any interest in me (at age 16), I flipped my shit and "supplicated" her hardcore. Anyway, she was in Maine, and I in Massachusetts, so I went up to see her and it was super super awkward. On the plus side, her mom made us cookies, so that was cool. Otherwise, I was WAY too ashamed of my sexuality and who I was to ever try and escalate. I assumed she was just mistaken or confused by being attracted to me. I went back and didn't talk to her again for years.
My first heterosexual sexual experience was also incredibly strange. I was 17 and at French camp. I ended up dancing with this chick from Mexico during a dance on the first or second night, which BLEW MY MIND. She was 14. We went outside and talked. I was scared shitless and did not escalate. We hung out twice more, and on the third time, easily the creepiest thing ever happened. I finally decided it was time to escalate. We were sitting in this empty area next to the basketball court indoors, and we were talking. We both stopped talking, and I put my hand on her. Literally, it was like a scientific experiment. She could have been a Sequoia tree or a stuffed bear. I started rubbing my hands over her. All over her. Like, think of the most uncalibrated and weak-ass cavemanning ever. I was just rubbing my hand, open-palm all over her, except for titties, and mostly not covering her face. We did that for about 20 minutes. No talking, just awkward KINO. In retrospect, I am fully surprised that she didn't kick me in the balls and run away. She must have REALLY liked me to put up with it. Anyway, later that night, I got to kiss her cheek. It was awesome. For whatever reason, I stopped liking her and kind of blew her off for the rest of French camp.
My first time penetrating a female, it gets perhaps even more embarassing. I was 20 in college. My friend M, who later became a FB of mine a few years after, came up to visit me at school. She stayed in my room. I somewhat kinoed her and ended up literally BEGGING her to have sex with me. She literally gave me a PITY FUCK. If that wasn't bad enough, I was awful at it (not surprising nor unusual), but it was so bad that she just stopped me after 5 minutes and said something like, "Let's just go to sleep." It wasn't LMR or ASD. She was just completely turned off by the crappy sex. So that struck a blow to my sexual confidence.
A lot of my insecurity stems from feeling like I can't perform. I have yet to ever cum inside a female. I've had several more sexual experiences since then, but I've always had to finish manually. It makes me feel weird. I've never had regular sex with a girl before. It's usually ONS situations. The most I've ever boned a single girl is maybe 6-8 times. My total sexual experience is very small, despite being with perhaps what I would consider a normal NUMBER of females for a "normal"/AFC dude. I really want to experience the sex that everyone ELSE talks about, where they experience emotions and physical satisfaction and intimacy. Every time I fuck, it feels like I'm attempting a difficult trapeze maneuver or writing a philosophical treatise. Also, my wang is super sensitive and it hurts if a girl handles it marginally roughly. One time in Vegas, this girl was beejing me and doing that thing with her hands where she kinds of does an indian rug burn maneuver with both hands, and it was SEVERELY PAINFUL. So I feel like I can't have normal casual sexual relations without experiencing some hardcore pain.
Reading "My secret garden" caused me a lot of anxiety, because I feel like I can't even satisfy myself, so how could I satisfy all these bizarre fetishes or even basic sexual minimum req's for women? They fantasize about cheating and all that shit, and I know I can't hold a candle to most other guys my age. I'm totally incompetent with sex, despite reading DEVI, etc. I lack practical experience. I can't satisfy nor keep up with the kind of women I want in my life.
So. Now that THAT is out there, let's move on to the important shit: what to do about it.
A lot of this will probably self-correct if I:
-withhold the hand
-have/attempt more sex, and gain basic competence
-PUSH MY GAME ALWAYS, and really put myself in a position to confront this issue head-on
-perhaps get a short-term girlfriend and spend all my time banging her brains out until I can do it right. That still would require more game than I'm currently spitting. My current game is foul.
BRIEF ASIDE: I hate it when guys in the community say things like, "Getting sex is easy. It's XYZ(intimacy, self-respect, etc.) that's hard." Getting sex is not easy for me. I don't even have a rough idea of how to get from meet to sex with the kind of game I'm generally running these days. You guys got better at this way faster than me, and although I'm not self-conscious about my slower learning curve, it's obnoxious hearing this stuff. QUIT TELLING ME GETTING LAID IS EASY!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
big day
I did the meditation with Smallville thing today. It was unbelievable. I meditated all the way home. I was staring at a dot on the window directly behind this guy, so he thought I was staring at him and got clearly weirded out. Everytime I would try to put my focus back on my nose, it would focus on him being weirded out, and me- on some level- feeling bad about weirding him out. I probably should have moved my eyesight somewhere more comfortable for him, it didn't matter that much that I focus on one spot in particular.
Anyway, I'm officially starting today with 45 minutes upon waking and before sleeping. I'll up it to an hour in two weeks.
Anyway, I'm officially starting today with 45 minutes upon waking and before sleeping. I'll up it to an hour in two weeks.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A day of crap
I got blown out practically immediately 6-8 times today. I was in my head in a big way, and something was just totally off, because it felt like women were running away from me like I was Godzilla. Insanely bad results today, and it got me down. I've been trying to keep my spirits high and not let specifics emotionally affect me, but it was to no avail today.
The comforting thought is that days like today will polish my shit into hardened batsteel, and I will fight the crime of not getting laid and Batman kicks ass.
Seriously, pushing myself (which I definitely did) when I wasn't 'feeling it' (which I definitely wasn't) makes me f-ing proud. Even if I get frustrated and listening to Nine Inch Nails thrash music on the way home.
All I need to do is reflect more on what I'm LEARNING and spend time CHANGING SHIT UP based on the learnings. I think 15 minutes a day should suffice.
The comforting thought is that days like today will polish my shit into hardened batsteel, and I will fight the crime of not getting laid and Batman kicks ass.
Seriously, pushing myself (which I definitely did) when I wasn't 'feeling it' (which I definitely wasn't) makes me f-ing proud. Even if I get frustrated and listening to Nine Inch Nails thrash music on the way home.
All I need to do is reflect more on what I'm LEARNING and spend time CHANGING SHIT UP based on the learnings. I think 15 minutes a day should suffice.
just a quick thought
I realized why I hate doing PU games, like blow yourself out, and talk to x girl with somebody else's opener. I got into the game for sexual freedom, and I feel like I lose agency when I have bizarre restrictions placed on my interactions. I only like sarging when I'm sailing free, able to open anything I like.
30 Minute Meditation on my Game and where I'm going
30:00
UPDATE
I have been getting better lately up until very recently, when I've been coming up against some residual AA and a lot of reluctance. I feel like I'm not as excited about pickup. I know I want to get better at it, no matter what, because it will always be a gaping wound until I can reasonably get the girls I want (maybe a 10% average). However, I also know that PU is just a small part of a life, and there are other important things I need to get handled before I can really give myself permission to focus hardcore on PU. Nonetheless PU (and sailing) is one of the few things that I regularly go out and work at.
SP
1. The last few sarges I've run out of things to say. Relax in-set, allow myself to ramble and pop off the top of my head.
2. Also they were decidedly sterile and not that crazy, not that fun, not that emotionally engaging. Inject humor, sexuality, and personality into sarges.
3. There's still some AA once in a while. I tried to sarge this AZN chick but first let myself experience the emotions of being stuck in my head, just so I could burst through it, but it didn't work out. Just avoiding getting stuck there is prob the solution. Just approach.
4. I don't rock to enough girls when I go out. I'll talk to maybe 1/2 or 1/3 of the girls I see that I'm interested in, leading to anywhere from 1-3 regrets per outing. I want to chat up every girl I'm interested in that I can get to.
5. I don't talk to white girls, even ones that I find attractive. Give myself permission to talk to white guhls.
VISION OF MY GAME:
In many ways, I'm using Saffron as a model, in the sense that he's a guy that lets nothing hold him back when he sees a girl he wants to talk to. He's got the skills, and he uses them ALL the time. I see myself 10 years down the road, at age 32 with a stable Indian girlfriend of incredibly beauty and talent, working with a business(es) that really stimulates me, physically fit, with healthy relationships, and a wonderful sex life.
Until then, I see a road of continually sarging and calibrating nearly every day for years ahead of me. The goal of 1 female per day can easily be accomodated. That, however, is maintenance. It will maintain the skillset, rather than improve it. Going out, either day or night, OR BOTH, is the only way to really make the change and make it stick.
THINGS I CAN DO RIGHT NOW IN THE 2ND QUADRANT TO IMPROVE MY GAME
-get DHV stories from throughout my life
-get a cool haircut
-eliminate um's, ah's, stutters, right, you know?'s, etc. from speech
-improve voice projection for night game
-read through "Power of Now" again
-PUSH. That means I've increased my minimum daily req to 2 females, and I'm going to push to my boundaries or the girl's boundaries, whichever come first.
-give myself permission to chat up white girls. It's officially open season. Today I will chat up every white girl that is attractive.
GOALS
My goals haven't changed that much since I started. I eventually want a hot wife that I love 100% and am attracted to 100%. Until then, I'm fine with casual relationships, and really having lots of sex and getting down my sexual SP's, which I definitely have.
UPDATE
I have been getting better lately up until very recently, when I've been coming up against some residual AA and a lot of reluctance. I feel like I'm not as excited about pickup. I know I want to get better at it, no matter what, because it will always be a gaping wound until I can reasonably get the girls I want (maybe a 10% average). However, I also know that PU is just a small part of a life, and there are other important things I need to get handled before I can really give myself permission to focus hardcore on PU. Nonetheless PU (and sailing) is one of the few things that I regularly go out and work at.
SP
1. The last few sarges I've run out of things to say. Relax in-set, allow myself to ramble and pop off the top of my head.
2. Also they were decidedly sterile and not that crazy, not that fun, not that emotionally engaging. Inject humor, sexuality, and personality into sarges.
3. There's still some AA once in a while. I tried to sarge this AZN chick but first let myself experience the emotions of being stuck in my head, just so I could burst through it, but it didn't work out. Just avoiding getting stuck there is prob the solution. Just approach.
4. I don't rock to enough girls when I go out. I'll talk to maybe 1/2 or 1/3 of the girls I see that I'm interested in, leading to anywhere from 1-3 regrets per outing. I want to chat up every girl I'm interested in that I can get to.
5. I don't talk to white girls, even ones that I find attractive. Give myself permission to talk to white guhls.
VISION OF MY GAME:
In many ways, I'm using Saffron as a model, in the sense that he's a guy that lets nothing hold him back when he sees a girl he wants to talk to. He's got the skills, and he uses them ALL the time. I see myself 10 years down the road, at age 32 with a stable Indian girlfriend of incredibly beauty and talent, working with a business(es) that really stimulates me, physically fit, with healthy relationships, and a wonderful sex life.
Until then, I see a road of continually sarging and calibrating nearly every day for years ahead of me. The goal of 1 female per day can easily be accomodated. That, however, is maintenance. It will maintain the skillset, rather than improve it. Going out, either day or night, OR BOTH, is the only way to really make the change and make it stick.
THINGS I CAN DO RIGHT NOW IN THE 2ND QUADRANT TO IMPROVE MY GAME
-get DHV stories from throughout my life
-get a cool haircut
-eliminate um's, ah's, stutters, right, you know?'s, etc. from speech
-improve voice projection for night game
-read through "Power of Now" again
-PUSH. That means I've increased my minimum daily req to 2 females, and I'm going to push to my boundaries or the girl's boundaries, whichever come first.
-give myself permission to chat up white girls. It's officially open season. Today I will chat up every white girl that is attractive.
GOALS
My goals haven't changed that much since I started. I eventually want a hot wife that I love 100% and am attracted to 100%. Until then, I'm fine with casual relationships, and really having lots of sex and getting down my sexual SP's, which I definitely have.
Monday, July 14, 2008
DOING SHIT
I didn't go out today :(. However, I did post on fastseduction about life beyond pickup with hilarious results. Ingrained guys were coming out of the woodwork to shoot that down, and how it's irrelevant, and I'm a big jerk. Pretty funny. However, no one got anything useful out of it, and I probably just got a bunch of angry people even angrier. That's definitely not a good thing.
Anyway, it was useful in that it made me wonder if I was really living by my own values. This is because they were all attacking me, and I would have to defend myself, therefore thinking of whether I was logically congruent, and presenting the same theory every time I reiterated it.
Often, I'll shirk something because it's inconvenient. That's a problem. My mission statement really sets out what I'm going for, and I think it's time to really start acting to get my life together. The guys at FS want proof that having a good life in turn accelerates your progress with women? Time for me to take control of my life and show them! Ultimately, it's not about demonstrating to a couple of blowhards on the internet that I can control my life. It's about show myself that I have that kind of control.
Anyway, it was useful in that it made me wonder if I was really living by my own values. This is because they were all attacking me, and I would have to defend myself, therefore thinking of whether I was logically congruent, and presenting the same theory every time I reiterated it.
Often, I'll shirk something because it's inconvenient. That's a problem. My mission statement really sets out what I'm going for, and I think it's time to really start acting to get my life together. The guys at FS want proof that having a good life in turn accelerates your progress with women? Time for me to take control of my life and show them! Ultimately, it's not about demonstrating to a couple of blowhards on the internet that I can control my life. It's about show myself that I have that kind of control.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
FR: Nonsense
So, I had a lengthy Saturday of sarging after the meeting. The meeting itself I didn't find incredibly helpful, but it was great to have a few useful points reinforced. I don't really want to go over the specifics of the sets I did during the day and night, but I will go over what I learned:
-Call out weirdness when it occurs in-set, unless it's something that would be REALLY awkward to call out
-Don't sexually engage nontargets ever
-Learn some decent dancefloor game. I have my little p1an0hands dance, but it's weak when it comes to seducing the imagination of a sensual and curvaceous woman. Lol cheez
-I can open pretty much any girl in the day, and it will hook.
-More teasing is better, plus more of a you & me framing is useful- this is where future projections, using "we", disqualification, SOIs, and slight sexual teasing/jokes (it's ok in the daytime, i find, but nothing too sexual unless you're willing to go down that path all the way) come into play.
-Slight note: shaking my head side-to-side when I say "I had to meet you" really communicates the genuineness of the opener, IME
-Don't let a bitch con you into buying a drink. If she puts you in a position where you're pressured to buy a drink, CALL IT OUT and SOD on it. I fucked up last night, and bought myself and a bitch a drink. Her friends dragged her away later because of a lack of good befriending (I was kind of a playerasshole to them, which was working well until I really started isolating her).
-Have fun ALWAYS
-If the girl doesn't speak great English, use plenty of teasing and PLOW when you're not sure if she'll understand. She'll probably grab a few contextual words and figure it out. If she doesn't drop it and start a new thread. This Korean girl tooled on me all night by breaking rapport with me CONSTANTLY in cutesy little azn ways, like ignoring questions and making silly faces. The only time I got a reaction was when I broke rapport with them. Examples: "Your name is Mickey Mouse? Isn't that kind of weird?", high five fakeout, physical pushing away, etc. If I had engaged them correctly, and you visualized it just me without the girls, it would look like I was playing with a baby or toddler. Hilarious.
-HBhoodrat is pretty reserved, and she likes to play it real cool, which I don't totally like, but I do respect, I guess
-Too many guys trying to wing ruins sets. Too many guys ASKING to wing also ruins sets. Three guys rolled up while my wing was in the bathroom asking to wing, and I had to keep looking over to tell them about it. The girls eventually just back turned and started talking to each other.
-If you CONGRUENTLY say ANYTHING in a playful or assertive manner, it will fly.
-Drinking on the job is for suckers. Also, drunk girls are a turn off. This drunk girl was trying to make out with me, and her wobbling lamprey face coming at me almost made me laugh.
-If a girl is making a serious play (sexually), don't reject it, even playfully. That shit hurts, and they can't take it like I can.
-Call out weirdness when it occurs in-set, unless it's something that would be REALLY awkward to call out
-Don't sexually engage nontargets ever
-Learn some decent dancefloor game. I have my little p1an0hands dance, but it's weak when it comes to seducing the imagination of a sensual and curvaceous woman. Lol cheez
-I can open pretty much any girl in the day, and it will hook.
-More teasing is better, plus more of a you & me framing is useful- this is where future projections, using "we", disqualification, SOIs, and slight sexual teasing/jokes (it's ok in the daytime, i find, but nothing too sexual unless you're willing to go down that path all the way) come into play.
-Slight note: shaking my head side-to-side when I say "I had to meet you" really communicates the genuineness of the opener, IME
-Don't let a bitch con you into buying a drink. If she puts you in a position where you're pressured to buy a drink, CALL IT OUT and SOD on it. I fucked up last night, and bought myself and a bitch a drink. Her friends dragged her away later because of a lack of good befriending (I was kind of a playerasshole to them, which was working well until I really started isolating her).
-Have fun ALWAYS
-If the girl doesn't speak great English, use plenty of teasing and PLOW when you're not sure if she'll understand. She'll probably grab a few contextual words and figure it out. If she doesn't drop it and start a new thread. This Korean girl tooled on me all night by breaking rapport with me CONSTANTLY in cutesy little azn ways, like ignoring questions and making silly faces. The only time I got a reaction was when I broke rapport with them. Examples: "Your name is Mickey Mouse? Isn't that kind of weird?", high five fakeout, physical pushing away, etc. If I had engaged them correctly, and you visualized it just me without the girls, it would look like I was playing with a baby or toddler. Hilarious.
-HBhoodrat is pretty reserved, and she likes to play it real cool, which I don't totally like, but I do respect, I guess
-Too many guys trying to wing ruins sets. Too many guys ASKING to wing also ruins sets. Three guys rolled up while my wing was in the bathroom asking to wing, and I had to keep looking over to tell them about it. The girls eventually just back turned and started talking to each other.
-If you CONGRUENTLY say ANYTHING in a playful or assertive manner, it will fly.
-Drinking on the job is for suckers. Also, drunk girls are a turn off. This drunk girl was trying to make out with me, and her wobbling lamprey face coming at me almost made me laugh.
-If a girl is making a serious play (sexually), don't reject it, even playfully. That shit hurts, and they can't take it like I can.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
OR: FOB
So another fob. I'm waiting at MGH for the train, and this azn chick with those wide leg sail pants walks up and seems to be AIing me. She sits down next to me, but I see the train coming, and want to wait until I know she's going in the same direction as me. We both skip it, so I BRIEFLY BRIEFLY chode out and then approach her. SHE DOESN"T EVEN UNDERSTAND MY F-ING OPENER. I repeat it incredibly slowly, then say she has an LA vibe. I now say all AZNs have an L.A. vibe, because AZN's are way cooler sluttier and more common out there, so yeah. She's from Saigon, I joke about Hanoi girls being crazy. She kind likes it, but she speaks horrible english. I kind of FTC and sit down next to her. She has a nose stud, which adds a point to any girl. I love nose studs. I tell her about my friend Trang from Saigon, and how Saigon is supposed to be decent. She says, "Your girlfriend?" So I PU nerve flex and spit out "one of my girlfriends" without thinking. She titters. I ask what shes doing in boston. She's studying english. I say that she's one of those girls that comes to america to get an american husband. She titters. We're talking a little more, and then that FUCKING cockeyed "GOOOT ANNNNNY CHAAANNGEEEE?" guy that terrorizes Park St. Station area sits down next to me and STARTS YELLING AND ASKING IF PEOPLE HAVE CHANGE OVER AND OVER. It of course kills the conversation, and frankly, makes both of us super uncomfortable. He eventually gets up, the train comes, and we sit at different places, game over.
Fucking FOB's. Learn English, because it's time to fuck.
Also, fucking spare change guy. You creep the shit out of me and everyone else.
Fucking FOB's. Learn English, because it's time to fuck.
Also, fucking spare change guy. You creep the shit out of me and everyone else.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
casual OR
I'm feeling good again. Sailing is cutting into a lot of my post-work time, but I'm committed to opening at least one girl a day.
I opened a girl from behind on the skywalk. 5'2 Malaysian girl, HB8. I've noticed I only seem to open azns these days. I haven't opened a white girl during the day in ages. Anyways, she jumped and was surprised/weirded out. I said that I thought she was super cute and I wanted to meet her. She had this look like she was disappointed. I think it's the look of a girl about to reject me. I've got this a few times lately. I'm going to omit the SOI that early on, and just say "i know it's wicked random, but i just had to meet you." anyway, I plowed a little bit, with my "new york vibe" thing, which always seems to work, even though it's fully retarded, and just something I say at this point. She says she's from Malaysia, and something about the weather. I talk about Japan, but it's a stretch, and doesn't really seem to work well on her. I ask her why she's in Boston, she's a student. I cold read BU, but she's from Harvard. I pretend I haven't heard of it which works out well. I joked about her flunking out and having to take summer courses, which of course wasn't the case. She told me about her politics major, which she took because it's interesting. I compare it to my two majors, music and japanese. She plays piano, too. She's an 8 in the Royal University rankings or whatever, which is the final rank, which means she's pretty good. I give her a high five, but I should have SOI'd her on THIS, because it was pretty cool. She has tiny hands, so I joke about her midget hands, asking her how she hits the octaves. She talks about body position, and how it has a certain flavor to it when she plays. I joke that that was a great spin job, and that I almost bought it. This might have been too dick a move. Anyway, I think a little after this, if I remember correctly, she says she needs to get going, so I wish her good luck on running Malaysia.
Good:
-Busting
-Very loud and effective high five
Bad:
-Opener was a little awkward
-poor SOI'ing
-Conversational thread was only somewhat relaxed and normal
-Not enough attraction built
-no FTC, which I should use more often.
-No seed for a bounce or number
-I didn't visualize dropping a load on her face. It may have helped.
I opened a girl from behind on the skywalk. 5'2 Malaysian girl, HB8. I've noticed I only seem to open azns these days. I haven't opened a white girl during the day in ages. Anyways, she jumped and was surprised/weirded out. I said that I thought she was super cute and I wanted to meet her. She had this look like she was disappointed. I think it's the look of a girl about to reject me. I've got this a few times lately. I'm going to omit the SOI that early on, and just say "i know it's wicked random, but i just had to meet you." anyway, I plowed a little bit, with my "new york vibe" thing, which always seems to work, even though it's fully retarded, and just something I say at this point. She says she's from Malaysia, and something about the weather. I talk about Japan, but it's a stretch, and doesn't really seem to work well on her. I ask her why she's in Boston, she's a student. I cold read BU, but she's from Harvard. I pretend I haven't heard of it which works out well. I joked about her flunking out and having to take summer courses, which of course wasn't the case. She told me about her politics major, which she took because it's interesting. I compare it to my two majors, music and japanese. She plays piano, too. She's an 8 in the Royal University rankings or whatever, which is the final rank, which means she's pretty good. I give her a high five, but I should have SOI'd her on THIS, because it was pretty cool. She has tiny hands, so I joke about her midget hands, asking her how she hits the octaves. She talks about body position, and how it has a certain flavor to it when she plays. I joke that that was a great spin job, and that I almost bought it. This might have been too dick a move. Anyway, I think a little after this, if I remember correctly, she says she needs to get going, so I wish her good luck on running Malaysia.
Good:
-Busting
-Very loud and effective high five
Bad:
-Opener was a little awkward
-poor SOI'ing
-Conversational thread was only somewhat relaxed and normal
-Not enough attraction built
-no FTC, which I should use more often.
-No seed for a bounce or number
-I didn't visualize dropping a load on her face. It may have helped.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
BLAH
I called up hoodrat after work yesterday to hang out a little bit, and it seems like she flaked out and didn't want to come out. It's possible she has LBJF'd me and wants friends to hang out with in Boston. That wasn't my hope. I got really bummed and played a shitload of GTA IV, which I can visibly see sucking out all of my soul. I can see the dent it makes on my social skills progress, and I hate it.
I'm on the lower end of my mood cycle, although I'm doing my damn best to distinguish specifics from emotions. It's the general trends that should be important to me.
I am trying to meditate a lot more, so I can't wait for Smallville's little presentation on it.
I'm a little bit turned off of chatting up girls lately, but then I see a hot girl that's physically appealing, and all my moods and objections go out the window. I'm officially a slave to that ass. Might as well chat them up, and get socializing.
I have to work on push-pull more in my interactions. Also, more C&F stuff. My interactions aren't as playful as they could be. Sometimes, I'm not hooking because there is no state break for the woman. This is more typical of the super hot girls that I chat up. A cold approach coupled wtih a humorous nonDLV state break is what I need to REALLY get my foot into the door for the hottest bitches walking the street. I also need stories that more efficiently convey DHV's and get to the point faster and harder than I'm getting to them now. Some of my subcomm's are off, like facial expression, and even BL sometimes. And hey, what do you know, even kino. I'm not sure how and when to escalate the kino, especially during daylight, when it's supposed to be hands off. So my sticking point is essentially EVERYTHING. At least I know where I stand.
My strong points are approaching and making good conversation. Making small talk, or talking about the past, or about whatever isn't a problem for me.
I'm on the lower end of my mood cycle, although I'm doing my damn best to distinguish specifics from emotions. It's the general trends that should be important to me.
I am trying to meditate a lot more, so I can't wait for Smallville's little presentation on it.
I'm a little bit turned off of chatting up girls lately, but then I see a hot girl that's physically appealing, and all my moods and objections go out the window. I'm officially a slave to that ass. Might as well chat them up, and get socializing.
I have to work on push-pull more in my interactions. Also, more C&F stuff. My interactions aren't as playful as they could be. Sometimes, I'm not hooking because there is no state break for the woman. This is more typical of the super hot girls that I chat up. A cold approach coupled wtih a humorous nonDLV state break is what I need to REALLY get my foot into the door for the hottest bitches walking the street. I also need stories that more efficiently convey DHV's and get to the point faster and harder than I'm getting to them now. Some of my subcomm's are off, like facial expression, and even BL sometimes. And hey, what do you know, even kino. I'm not sure how and when to escalate the kino, especially during daylight, when it's supposed to be hands off. So my sticking point is essentially EVERYTHING. At least I know where I stand.
My strong points are approaching and making good conversation. Making small talk, or talking about the past, or about whatever isn't a problem for me.
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