Citizen Seduction Geek

This is the link which inspired this article: Violence Geeks. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

I've been reading about 3 hours non-stop from this website called nononsenseselfdefense.com. It's an amazing website written by an "alpha male" who grew up surrounded by and participating in violence, and he's an INCREDIBLY eloquent writer on the nature of everything even tangentially related to violence, especially the mental and social/societal aspects of it.

He wrote a blog article on "violence geeks" (essentially potential Virginia Tech Massacre kind of people) and how they respond to fear and uncertainty by creating a false world where they can (delusionally) feel safe.

To be honest, a lot of the stuff he says, which is just incredibly insightful, rung true for me about myself and my involvement in the seduction community.

When I found this stuff, I'm pretty sure I was still reeling from the crippling rejection by my extremely long-term high school crush. I was not only sad, angry, and confused, but was already creating a feedback loop of those emotions to rationalize my state of victimhood.

My interest in the seduction community was not as a tool but as a weapon, just like the case with knives, as the author mentions. I wanted to take preemptive strikes on hot girls out there, giving them no power to attack me and make me feel fear, confusion, anger, and all of the other amazing feelings that are part of living life.

I hope this post doesn't devolve into another ivory tower seduction community metaphor, like "Pick up is a lot like a tree, and the ROOTS mean that you're XYZ..."

The fact of the matter is, I'm a scared person who doesn't take full responsibility for how I feel, even though I've been trying SO hard the last few years to become that person. To this day, I still actively play out scenarios where I am victimized constantly. I even get worked up sometimes by these hypothetical victimizations. It's weird, like I'll get angry at a friend for something he hasn't done.

I've normalized a lot, and I'm not as afraid of being hurt (mostly in the specific area of rejection, of course), but I'm still not a man in the way I'd like to define it. In my belief system, being a man is entirely mental. You can live whatever way you choose, as long as it is according to your values, and you take full responsibility for your actions and behavior.

Again, every needs to read the article Violence Geeks on the No Nonsense Self-Defense website.

hipster party

Went w/ my sister and company to a hipster party with a lower-key party downstairs. Went from see to talk in about 2 seconds and kicked it to a 6 who turned out to be 26. Started out great, but started getting weird (seems to happen when I kick directly from the top of my head), blown out. Ended up chatting w/ a girl, 6, who was part of a circus act in real life, she was pretty cool despite my initial judgements and she may have been DTF. Logistics got in the way of spending more time with her. Nothing else too exciting except for a bunch of horrifying beards and obnoxious hipster moments which I don't like. There was like 1 or 2 7's, every other girl was 6 or below. Yet again I'm reminded that the only good thing about hipsters are their haircuts.

Boobies.

Beware the Lair

Raycat's post on BL and Doc Holliday's response to it made me realize that my life really sucks.

I'm not going to post or read the BL this month, except for finding out when the GSF is, because I verbally agreed to go there and help out Patch and Warwick. Could I PLEASE do something useful this month, like getting a job, please?

In other notes, sucks that the Cards lost to the Steelers.

In other notes, I realized that I'm getting older and it might start to get awkward (for my current mindset) to sarge college girls. It already seems unseemly for me to think of boning high school seniors, even though I'm only 24. That's just pride fucking with me.