Some negativity, what's up.

Went out with Royalty.

Gave my number to this Taiwanese chick who plays the piano. I didn't do a lot of comfort building, so I really doubt she will call my number. Whatever. I was in a rush to get out of there, she was giving me a lot of IOIs and I wasn't expecting it.

I've been feeling like a value-taker a lot lately when I talk to girls. Like, they're hot, and because I'm not the attractive man that I COULD be, I'm taking away from their value. Hard to explain, but it's essentially feelings of undeservingness, of being a nuisance to people in general, etc. That doesn't really come through in my sarges (or does it?), but it gets me down, like it did today.

I'm having difficulty tying my value to things. Like, DEVI method basically says that a man's value comes down to his ability to make women feel emotions and fuck them well. Most of my sexual relationships are brief, with little sexual intercourse. I don't have sexual mastery down at all, so that's not really a stable base that I can plant my value upon.

Tyler says that being authentic, and coming from a place of realness is where your value should come from. Well, I don't feel 100% authentic when I talk to girls, especially during night game, where I feel less like the social guy, and more like the crazed sarging maniac GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!!

Lots of people say that value comes from your identity. You have a role in society, and your knowledge of yourself and your identity is what creates this value. Guess what?! No identity here. I'm the guy who likes music and talks to girls. I'm not The Musician. I'm not The Pickup Artist. I can't even explain who I am as a person, because it's not a coherent person. It would help if I got a job, but that's a post for a different blog...

So basically, I don't feel I have a valid reason to feel high-value. Thus, being around "high-value" women and talking to them as an alpha male is something of an inauthentic communication.

I guess the final reason I could feel high-value is simply because of a delusional self-confidence, but I don't really have that, despite Tim's commanding "My game is a ten."

Too tired to go out tonight, so I'm just throwing this up. Sucks, becuase I'm sure if I were feeling better mentally and physically, it'd be a marathon night. Hitting up Gypsy or whatever would be crazy.

Don't wanna bring anybody down, but these are the thoughts I'm trying to reframe lately.