Brad P Social Freedom

Been on a massive crapfest lately. New lows of self-esteem galore!
I'm doing this thing where I'm consistently improving some points of my life (meditation, withholding the hand to a moderate level, running, and sarging). Free times means more potential sarging time.

I did part of the Brad P. social freedom exercise (as much as I could do before sheer fright overtook me). I got a score that is below average, meaning I'm more socially anxious than the average person. Of course, I did COMPLETELY freak myself out beforehand.

No solicitors approached me, and I really didn't feel comfortable approaching them. Well, guess what?! Tomorrow, I WILL approach them, and start talking.

Just starting a random conversation is overwhelming for me. For hot girls, it's a battle between overwhelming social anxiety and how hot/attainable they are. If it's a hot hot girl who I might have a *shot* with, I will usually try my best to avoid the social anxiety. I think the SA is fucking with my openers when I do that, though, so I'm going to do these social freedom exercises until I get that shit handled. That means every day unless it's not possible.

I feel very lonely lately. Pretty much every aspect of my life is in the dumps right now. I have almost no friends, I have basically no established romantic prospects, I have no job, nor any prospects for a job forthcoming, and all kinds of negative shit I could list but won't.

Let's move onto the exercises I did today.
1. EC- Hard to find 3 people who were looking at me, and I did feel anxiety when looking at guys, making them think I was gay or something.
2. Ask for the time- EASY
3. Ask for directions- EASY
4. Ask for directions with 30 seconds of small talk- initially difficult to find a "good" candidate, but easy because the girl ended up being Japanese, so I chatted to her briefly about tourism in Boston and Tokyo. Also she had sweet Angelina Jolie Hackers hair.
5. Small talk with store clerk- Pretty poor. I asked the guy for directions to the water, and BRIEFLY BRIEFLY mentioned how I had fre time and a book, and I wanted to zone out, and then confirmed the directions. Chode.
6. Rapport seeker- No one approached me, and I didn't want to approach this big fat guy tending the doors at the 7-11 nor the hip hop CD selling guy who was chatting with his buddy. Chode.
7. Talk to clerk after getting rung up- Didn't totally accomplish this. I started talking to the clerk about the spring clothes going on clearance, but she led me awayt from the counter. I briefly chatted about the clothes, very "on-topic". Semi-chode.
8. Tell a joke to someone I know- who do I know that I...? Anyway, I sent the first line of a joke to a friend but he never texted back.
9. Dance a little- Easy.
10. Walk down the street singing- Fairly easy.
11. Walk up to a stranger, start convo, don't stop until he laughs- Didn't do it. CHODE.
12-18. Didn't do them. FULL CHODE. They were way too scary for me. I really suck at pushing myself, or I'm a total agoraphobic. Anyway...

That's the rundown today. I'm going to keep pushing myself for a while, hopefully. I tend to not push myself.

I believe a wing will GREATLY assist me in completing these tasks and giving me a boost.