I'm doing Sublime's Super Awesome Inner Game Product or whatever it's called. Mostly for reference for myself, here is what I expect or desire out of the program:
-I want to feel emotionally and ?validationally (word?) grounded during interactions with women.
-I want to feel both a lack of neediness and a feeling of abundance towards women at all times
-I want to learn how to live in the moment and stay there during an interaction.
-I want to have a firm belief in my own capabilities, and have a healthy perspective on what I have to offer, especially right before I roll in on some girls (when jitters might throw off my momentum).
-I want to maintain a healthy perspective on relationships with women.
-I want to learn how to be more non-judgmental and accepting.
-I want to learn how to appreciate what other people bring to the table.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Citizen Seduction Geek
This is the link which inspired this article: Violence Geeks. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
I've been reading about 3 hours non-stop from this website called nononsenseselfdefense.com. It's an amazing website written by an "alpha male" who grew up surrounded by and participating in violence, and he's an INCREDIBLY eloquent writer on the nature of everything even tangentially related to violence, especially the mental and social/societal aspects of it.
He wrote a blog article on "violence geeks" (essentially potential Virginia Tech Massacre kind of people) and how they respond to fear and uncertainty by creating a false world where they can (delusionally) feel safe.
To be honest, a lot of the stuff he says, which is just incredibly insightful, rung true for me about myself and my involvement in the seduction community.
When I found this stuff, I'm pretty sure I was still reeling from the crippling rejection by my extremely long-term high school crush. I was not only sad, angry, and confused, but was already creating a feedback loop of those emotions to rationalize my state of victimhood.
My interest in the seduction community was not as a tool but as a weapon, just like the case with knives, as the author mentions. I wanted to take preemptive strikes on hot girls out there, giving them no power to attack me and make me feel fear, confusion, anger, and all of the other amazing feelings that are part of living life.
I hope this post doesn't devolve into another ivory tower seduction community metaphor, like "Pick up is a lot like a tree, and the ROOTS mean that you're XYZ..."
The fact of the matter is, I'm a scared person who doesn't take full responsibility for how I feel, even though I've been trying SO hard the last few years to become that person. To this day, I still actively play out scenarios where I am victimized constantly. I even get worked up sometimes by these hypothetical victimizations. It's weird, like I'll get angry at a friend for something he hasn't done.
I've normalized a lot, and I'm not as afraid of being hurt (mostly in the specific area of rejection, of course), but I'm still not a man in the way I'd like to define it. In my belief system, being a man is entirely mental. You can live whatever way you choose, as long as it is according to your values, and you take full responsibility for your actions and behavior.
Again, every needs to read the article Violence Geeks on the No Nonsense Self-Defense website.
I've been reading about 3 hours non-stop from this website called nononsenseselfdefense.com. It's an amazing website written by an "alpha male" who grew up surrounded by and participating in violence, and he's an INCREDIBLY eloquent writer on the nature of everything even tangentially related to violence, especially the mental and social/societal aspects of it.
He wrote a blog article on "violence geeks" (essentially potential Virginia Tech Massacre kind of people) and how they respond to fear and uncertainty by creating a false world where they can (delusionally) feel safe.
To be honest, a lot of the stuff he says, which is just incredibly insightful, rung true for me about myself and my involvement in the seduction community.
When I found this stuff, I'm pretty sure I was still reeling from the crippling rejection by my extremely long-term high school crush. I was not only sad, angry, and confused, but was already creating a feedback loop of those emotions to rationalize my state of victimhood.
My interest in the seduction community was not as a tool but as a weapon, just like the case with knives, as the author mentions. I wanted to take preemptive strikes on hot girls out there, giving them no power to attack me and make me feel fear, confusion, anger, and all of the other amazing feelings that are part of living life.
I hope this post doesn't devolve into another ivory tower seduction community metaphor, like "Pick up is a lot like a tree, and the ROOTS mean that you're XYZ..."
The fact of the matter is, I'm a scared person who doesn't take full responsibility for how I feel, even though I've been trying SO hard the last few years to become that person. To this day, I still actively play out scenarios where I am victimized constantly. I even get worked up sometimes by these hypothetical victimizations. It's weird, like I'll get angry at a friend for something he hasn't done.
I've normalized a lot, and I'm not as afraid of being hurt (mostly in the specific area of rejection, of course), but I'm still not a man in the way I'd like to define it. In my belief system, being a man is entirely mental. You can live whatever way you choose, as long as it is according to your values, and you take full responsibility for your actions and behavior.
Again, every needs to read the article Violence Geeks on the No Nonsense Self-Defense website.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
hipster party
Went w/ my sister and company to a hipster party with a lower-key party downstairs. Went from see to talk in about 2 seconds and kicked it to a 6 who turned out to be 26. Started out great, but started getting weird (seems to happen when I kick directly from the top of my head), blown out. Ended up chatting w/ a girl, 6, who was part of a circus act in real life, she was pretty cool despite my initial judgements and she may have been DTF. Logistics got in the way of spending more time with her. Nothing else too exciting except for a bunch of horrifying beards and obnoxious hipster moments which I don't like. There was like 1 or 2 7's, every other girl was 6 or below. Yet again I'm reminded that the only good thing about hipsters are their haircuts.
Boobies.
Boobies.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Beware the Lair
Raycat's post on BL and Doc Holliday's response to it made me realize that my life really sucks.
I'm not going to post or read the BL this month, except for finding out when the GSF is, because I verbally agreed to go there and help out Patch and Warwick. Could I PLEASE do something useful this month, like getting a job, please?
In other notes, sucks that the Cards lost to the Steelers.
In other notes, I realized that I'm getting older and it might start to get awkward (for my current mindset) to sarge college girls. It already seems unseemly for me to think of boning high school seniors, even though I'm only 24. That's just pride fucking with me.
I'm not going to post or read the BL this month, except for finding out when the GSF is, because I verbally agreed to go there and help out Patch and Warwick. Could I PLEASE do something useful this month, like getting a job, please?
In other notes, sucks that the Cards lost to the Steelers.
In other notes, I realized that I'm getting older and it might start to get awkward (for my current mindset) to sarge college girls. It already seems unseemly for me to think of boning high school seniors, even though I'm only 24. That's just pride fucking with me.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Out
Haven't been out in a while. I went out with some lair guys for a little. Not a lot of stuff. I in passing chatted to a 2-set (8&9), but ejected due to nervousness. I direct opened an Albanian girl (7). We talked for maybe 10 minutes, but I was miscalibrated and nervous. She caught onto this, but I also had a spark of intent going on, so it wasn't as weird as it could have been. After we finished talking, I referred to her as a crazy Albanian girl, but in reality, she was *somewhat* normal. It was mostly just a way to avoid owning the interaction I had with her, which honestly wasn't that bad. Whatever. Didn't hurt that she had given me clear AI before I started talking to her.
Felt good to be out talking to girls, even though I was just weird about it. I can tell after two days out, I would be COMPLETELY back in the flow.
Whatever. I still hate night game, and although I think the guys who run it are nice guys, I don't like the talent that comes out to the Almost Famous scene. To be honest, there are always a few REALLY good looking girls that show up, and that's great, especially tonight, but there were also some really horrible people (not just lair people lol).
A mediocre night. I talked about PU stuff to a guy who was thinking about joining the lair, and that wasn't too fun.
I want to hit up some daygame soon. I wish the good weather was back. There's nothing stopping me really, seeing as most/all of my days are free (except for weekends). If I so desired, I could spend all my time trying to get a girlfriend.
I realized that there are nightlife things I do enjoy. For instance, there's a drum and bass night every Thursday at the Phoenix Landing @ Central. I want to check that out. It's also fun to go to trivia nights. It's great to hang out with a small group of friends, and really not actively think about picking up girls unless there's a really striking female.
IN FACT, going out to pick up girls exclusively isn't that fun at all. If anything it's a fun-sucking event. If you're not having fun when you start, then it's just a total headsuck.
Felt good to be out talking to girls, even though I was just weird about it. I can tell after two days out, I would be COMPLETELY back in the flow.
Whatever. I still hate night game, and although I think the guys who run it are nice guys, I don't like the talent that comes out to the Almost Famous scene. To be honest, there are always a few REALLY good looking girls that show up, and that's great, especially tonight, but there were also some really horrible people (not just lair people lol).
A mediocre night. I talked about PU stuff to a guy who was thinking about joining the lair, and that wasn't too fun.
I want to hit up some daygame soon. I wish the good weather was back. There's nothing stopping me really, seeing as most/all of my days are free (except for weekends). If I so desired, I could spend all my time trying to get a girlfriend.
I realized that there are nightlife things I do enjoy. For instance, there's a drum and bass night every Thursday at the Phoenix Landing @ Central. I want to check that out. It's also fun to go to trivia nights. It's great to hang out with a small group of friends, and really not actively think about picking up girls unless there's a really striking female.
IN FACT, going out to pick up girls exclusively isn't that fun at all. If anything it's a fun-sucking event. If you're not having fun when you start, then it's just a total headsuck.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
out
I opened a fob no dice.
I went into American Apparel to try and redeem my gift card and this hired gun started chatting to me. I honestly couldn't tell if she was into me or just being ultra-friendly/hired-friendly. I don't think they get commissions there, so...
she was talking about growing up, her friends, her passions. It was an intense casual conversation, similar to a sarge, except sometimes she would be mirroring my body language and sometimes she would kind of back off. It looked a lot like she was into me, but I didn't go for the phone number because it didn't feel appropriate. I should have, she had nice boobies. She had this weird spiral burn in her hand, like a scar, but almost certainly made on purpose. Cool.
I went into American Apparel to try and redeem my gift card and this hired gun started chatting to me. I honestly couldn't tell if she was into me or just being ultra-friendly/hired-friendly. I don't think they get commissions there, so...
she was talking about growing up, her friends, her passions. It was an intense casual conversation, similar to a sarge, except sometimes she would be mirroring my body language and sometimes she would kind of back off. It looked a lot like she was into me, but I didn't go for the phone number because it didn't feel appropriate. I should have, she had nice boobies. She had this weird spiral burn in her hand, like a scar, but almost certainly made on purpose. Cool.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Resolution
I resolved to do 750 sets this year. That amounts to about 2 sets per day, every day. That means that I will have to spend quite a bit of time in field this year. That's fine.
I also want to give back to the lair, because I haven't done much for them. We'll see how later. I might do a daygame thing while I'm jobless or something like that.
I also want to give back to the lair, because I haven't done much for them. We'll see how later. I might do a daygame thing while I'm jobless or something like that.
All that and a bag of chips
As much as PUAs want to think that they can engineer every situation to their benefit, I am seeing more and more that external factors are often extremely important in garnering lays. Things such as holidays, stress from life, post-breakup blues, and all kinds of normal human moments of 'needing' can contribute to whether a girl will hook up with me.
Often, just showing up and being normal is all that's required, which is really nothing to sneer at. Granted, the lifestyle I want calls for something far beyond that, but it's good to know that not a lot of gaming needs to take place if certain external factors are in effect.
A friend of a friend of my sister that I hooked up with turned out to have just broken up with her boyfriend, and I was just sure that it was my charmingness that made it happen. The circumstances were that she was drinking, around a lot of people she didn't know that well, post-breakup, and I was providing her with emotions and sexual options. I want to get to a place where it can just be me gaming her to the point where she can make a logical decision to go home with me, or an emotional rationalization to check out something at my house and 'then i'll kick her out' or whatever.
Often, just showing up and being normal is all that's required, which is really nothing to sneer at. Granted, the lifestyle I want calls for something far beyond that, but it's good to know that not a lot of gaming needs to take place if certain external factors are in effect.
A friend of a friend of my sister that I hooked up with turned out to have just broken up with her boyfriend, and I was just sure that it was my charmingness that made it happen. The circumstances were that she was drinking, around a lot of people she didn't know that well, post-breakup, and I was providing her with emotions and sexual options. I want to get to a place where it can just be me gaming her to the point where she can make a logical decision to go home with me, or an emotional rationalization to check out something at my house and 'then i'll kick her out' or whatever.
Monday, December 29, 2008
As long as I have a shred of neediness in my body, as long as I'm not 100% sure of my ability to attract, comfort, fuck, and date a beautiful woman, the NEED for a woman in my life will always be the emotionally sticky, self-esteem-changing thing that it has been for the rest of my life.
I realized lately that I can bone girls. I realized that I'm a normal guy and can pull when certain moons align. What I also realized is that I can really multiply that effectiveness if I study PU. I was studying PU to become normal, which was putting the cart before the horse.
i don't need to study PU to feel normal or socially acceptable. I now want to study PU for the truer reason of desiring poon and getting laid and getting trim. I don't want to study PU to have people like me or to be interesting or normal. That's done with, I'm there. I see now how certain guys got to the point of getting really good at PU. First they had to be normalized, which is something I think I've experienced. UGH
I realized lately that I can bone girls. I realized that I'm a normal guy and can pull when certain moons align. What I also realized is that I can really multiply that effectiveness if I study PU. I was studying PU to become normal, which was putting the cart before the horse.
i don't need to study PU to feel normal or socially acceptable. I now want to study PU for the truer reason of desiring poon and getting laid and getting trim. I don't want to study PU to have people like me or to be interesting or normal. That's done with, I'm there. I see now how certain guys got to the point of getting really good at PU. First they had to be normalized, which is something I think I've experienced. UGH
Thursday, December 25, 2008
lesson learned
when i drink, it becomes incredibly difficult to:
-keep it up
-come
-focus on the female
if i'm sober, and i can see what's going on (i'm super visual during sex), then no problem. if i'm drunk, then it's going to require herculean efforts to finish up. i see the pattern now, and I'm going to avoid drinking when i believe a female is coming through, and not worry when i don't think a female is coming through.
respect.
-keep it up
-come
-focus on the female
if i'm sober, and i can see what's going on (i'm super visual during sex), then no problem. if i'm drunk, then it's going to require herculean efforts to finish up. i see the pattern now, and I'm going to avoid drinking when i believe a female is coming through, and not worry when i don't think a female is coming through.
respect.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Pahty
Hit up a party. Alcohol + women + me = flirt zone. I was doing great last night. Attracted the girl I wanted, but had logistical problems get in the way. Should have grabbed her number, but I hadn't qualified her enough. Also chatted with her friend and got her semi-attracted, as well. The main difference between sober and drunk me is that I keep talking when I'm drunk.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
going out
Went out. Saw maybe 5 girls alone that were cute. Tried to open one, but I let her get away. I opened another but she walked away (headphones, but I think she noticed me), and didn't open the rest. There were absurd amounts of hot girls with friends, but groups still weird me out, and I have no idea how to make that happen. It's something I'm not used to.
I got annoyed at the BL forums getting clogged with off-topic posts about articles and cute videos, but people don't like it when I say that it's off-topic, so whatever. I'm not Warwick, or even a deputy moderator, so it's not my place. I guess I was just annoyed that we have an established off-topic forum and it never gets used, but valuable posts are being swarmed by stuff that I don't think is particularly helpful. Boobies. I think I should steer clear of BL until I have something useful and SPECIFIC to offer, because I have no real business being there and spending my time reading posts, etc.
Going out tomorrow.
I got a haircut today, and it's totally generic, not at all interesting. I'm starting to question the awesomeness of Ojee's.
I'll be attending the Saturday even where Entropy will be speaking. I'm looking forward to hearing him talk. It's on post-lay stuff, which isn't relevant to my life, but I'd like to hear, learn anyway, and support.
Haven't been going out much, or doing much.
I got annoyed at the BL forums getting clogged with off-topic posts about articles and cute videos, but people don't like it when I say that it's off-topic, so whatever. I'm not Warwick, or even a deputy moderator, so it's not my place. I guess I was just annoyed that we have an established off-topic forum and it never gets used, but valuable posts are being swarmed by stuff that I don't think is particularly helpful. Boobies. I think I should steer clear of BL until I have something useful and SPECIFIC to offer, because I have no real business being there and spending my time reading posts, etc.
Going out tomorrow.
I got a haircut today, and it's totally generic, not at all interesting. I'm starting to question the awesomeness of Ojee's.
I'll be attending the Saturday even where Entropy will be speaking. I'm looking forward to hearing him talk. It's on post-lay stuff, which isn't relevant to my life, but I'd like to hear, learn anyway, and support.
Haven't been going out much, or doing much.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
LR: Drunk
Hooked up with hot black chick (7.5), but couldn't get it up when it came to penetrating, even after she Beejed me. Very nice girl, too bad I couldn't f her brains out.
My game was commanding the interactions, being very funny, having one or two similarities, and a little bit of push pull. She was also kind of drunk. I had been drinking too, but I don't really think that contributed to the dick problem. I just couldn't get it up, and started to have some really negative feelings, but I cancelled those out, and ended up feeling neutral about it. It happens.
Whatever.
The next day was very awkward for me.
Incidentally, I had sabotaged my HMO-less streak, so it had been one day. I don't know what that means, but it may have affected my performance.
I think it played it as best I could, you know, not taking myself too seriously, thinking just about how good her body felt, relaxing as much as possible. No dice.
My game was commanding the interactions, being very funny, having one or two similarities, and a little bit of push pull. She was also kind of drunk. I had been drinking too, but I don't really think that contributed to the dick problem. I just couldn't get it up, and started to have some really negative feelings, but I cancelled those out, and ended up feeling neutral about it. It happens.
Whatever.
The next day was very awkward for me.
Incidentally, I had sabotaged my HMO-less streak, so it had been one day. I don't know what that means, but it may have affected my performance.
I think it played it as best I could, you know, not taking myself too seriously, thinking just about how good her body felt, relaxing as much as possible. No dice.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Anti-onanistic Observation
Not jerking it helps SO MUCH for approach anxiety, desire, normalization of behavior. After 5 days of restriction, I went out today, and had almost no anxiety. I'm going to regulate it to every 5 days or maybe 7 if that increases my aggression. I even sent in a job application to a local temporary staffing group.
Is withholding masturbating my salvation?
I will just count off the days. Unlike pretty much everything else in my life, I won't need charts or graphs or checklists or calendars to keep track of it, because I feel every day going past.
Being fearless when talking to girls is such a wonderful payoff for the resistance of my habits and urges.
Today is Day 1. Saturday will be Day 6. I will withhold until I feel a decrease in aggression, and then scale it back to the zenith.
Is withholding masturbating my salvation?
I will just count off the days. Unlike pretty much everything else in my life, I won't need charts or graphs or checklists or calendars to keep track of it, because I feel every day going past.
Being fearless when talking to girls is such a wonderful payoff for the resistance of my habits and urges.
Today is Day 1. Saturday will be Day 6. I will withhold until I feel a decrease in aggression, and then scale it back to the zenith.
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