I know one or two people actually read my blog, so beware: this post is very stream of consciousness, and is probably difficult to read/digest.
Sticking Points:
1. I'm not comfortable around women.
2. I don't trust women (I think they're going to hurt me or make me look foolish).
3. I have no faith in my sexual abilities.
4. I'm not living a life that I love.
5. I think hot and even middling women have no use for me (sexually nor socially) because their lives are filled with more competent, interesting, and successful men than me.
6. I resent how much easier a life women have in many areas which which I struggle (social skills, getting laid).
7. My imagination almost never allows me to see a positive resolution/outcome (If I visualize myself opening the set, something bad will happen. If I visualize myself boning a girl, there will be absurd drama, like an ex with a gun or a hostage situation, lol.)
Logistical sticking points:
1a. I don't go out reliably and approach reliably.
2a. I don't push myself to extend interactions.
3a. I allow myself to run out of things to say.
4a. I'm not comfortable in-set, unless things are going visibly very well.
My ideas for solutions:
1. Get female friends. Approach more sets. Immerse myself in an abundance mentality with women. Spend time around women (aYoooga?!) EDIT: Spend time outside of the house. Live life with other people in social places. Get out of the damn house!
2. Therapy. Lol seriously? Or talk to women and realize that everyone has their own vulnerabilities. Also, start getting success at pickup and socializing and dispel all the hilarious conspiracy theories about women wanting to shame me or hurt me.
3. Keep on plugging away and focus on implementing DEVI into my sexuality. Based on my experiences with sex thus far, ongoing improvement in sexuality will be my metric for sexual confidence, because my past isn't encouraging.
4. Get a better job, make friends, follow my passions (this solution is the most bullshit of all. All I have to do to fix this is transform my entire life. At the same time, I can see how simple a lot of these things are. Getting a job I love is as simple as DECIDING on something I love doing, and plugging away at that until I succeed or can't continue).
5. Start hooking up with hot women. Meet guys that are boning hot women, and learn from them! This is all an illusion. Hot women want me, if I can SHOW them that I have what they want (which IMO is social juice and sexual expertise. I feel like being a decent human being is optional for hooking up with hot girls. Question: could an evil villain bro with AMAZING sexual and social skills keep women around? Would they be quality females?)
6. Start succeeding. Recognize that everyone has their own life and struggles, and it's different for everyone. (Women have their own problems, too.)
7. CANCEL the negative glimpses into the possible future. Why look for anything beyond what will help me? Deal with the bad in the present when it HAPPENS, anticipate the good in the future.
1a. I've struggled with this for a long time. The things that work are:
-I go out more when I have a routinized day (a regular free time for going out to scout pussy).
-I approach much more when I have a wing, and even more when I have a wing that I look up to or am good friends with.
-I approach more when I have a good attitude/outlook and I'm having fun, whatever that means. My definition of "fun" is seriously bizarre these days. (Lately I tend to be amused by lots of meta- stuff, like human foibles, awkward situations, people trying to hide an agenda, etc.)
-I tend to stop going out for a while when I have a bout of low self-esteem, a sicknesss, a schedule change, or I become engrossed in a TV show/video game.
-I tend to not approach much when I am unhappy, thinking about some problem in my life, or am feeling self-conscious.
2a. More social pressure resistance thru more sets. Also, eyes on the prize mentality (meeting new people, trying to share my core, then fucking) where the prize is my motivation for being in set, not a desire to be liked or tolerated or amusing.
3a. Unstifle my inner core. My inner core is already funnier, more garrulous, more convincing, and more REAL than I could ever truly need to harness. I just need to unstifle it. HOW? Social pressure resistance. Being more ad lib. Saying things on my mind without editing. Sharing weaknesses and worries tends to help me unstifle around others (although it's depressing and there's gotta be a better way).
4a. Share as much as I can, every time. Massive field experience. Learn to plow. Allow the moment to "be", and all human failures I might commit are acceptable.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
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1 comment:
Yo man, I happened across this post of yours from a little while ago. Not sure where you are now, in terms of jobs, etc...and some of the other points you made. But, one thing that has been pretty helpful for me, albeit counterintuitive, is being so busy that I STOP thinking about trying to get girls. I've found myself not caring as much about the potential negative consequences of saying what's up to a girl on the T (for example), because I'm like "fuck it, I'm mad busy, and what's the worst that could happen?" This has actually led to some solid success. And if an interaction doesn't go well, I'm usually too busy with something else to give it much thought.
If you're still jobless, I would suggest signing up for Boston Cares volunteering (if you haven't already looked into that) and doing some of that while you continue to look for a $$ source. It's supposed to be very rewarding, diverse in terms of activities, and as a bonus - a place where chicks are regulars.
Also, sorry that we haven't been able to hang yet man - that's really my bad. Hope to figure something out sometime soon. All the best,
Sanj
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