Got fired from my job today. Oh well.
Maybe I'll do something cool this time around.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
I came out to my mom about pickup. Kind of. She didn't seem to curious about it, but I mentioned that I probably spend 10-15 a week 'meeting women.' Beyond that, I didn't go into the community or sarging or techniques or whatever. But, at least that's off my chest.
BradP wrote a sweet post on mASF about how learning should be more regimented, and not a massive influx of information which is followed by paralysis by analysis- in other words, the recall of the PUA isn't great enough to process all the information he has in the field. I guess I really am constantly reading new stuff about pickup, and it's not helpful because a lot of it isn't practically useful for me RIGHT NOW. I definitely came into the scene soaking up every last bit of knowledge without applying it.
Anyway, it's getting colder, and you know what that means. It means that I won't want to go out as much. So, either I will spend less time in field, or I will become more hard-assed about going out. I f-in hate the winter, and almost surely have SAD. If only I lived in San Diego or Maui, where those kind of considerations aren't really necessary. Clouds, grey skies, and precipitation always dampen my mood. A clear June sky with temperatures in the 70's is gauranteed to put a smile on my face. I love it.
You know what else I love? I love slim half-asian girls. I'm talking SLIM and I'm talking half-Japanese. That is SWEEET and I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. Hahaha weird.
I'm withholding the hand for 5 days, starting a 5-day cycle program to keep my aggressiveness, intent, and overall HulkSmashness at peak. My life seems to be better when I moderate that shit. The first cycle ends on Sunday night.
BradP wrote a sweet post on mASF about how learning should be more regimented, and not a massive influx of information which is followed by paralysis by analysis- in other words, the recall of the PUA isn't great enough to process all the information he has in the field. I guess I really am constantly reading new stuff about pickup, and it's not helpful because a lot of it isn't practically useful for me RIGHT NOW. I definitely came into the scene soaking up every last bit of knowledge without applying it.
Anyway, it's getting colder, and you know what that means. It means that I won't want to go out as much. So, either I will spend less time in field, or I will become more hard-assed about going out. I f-in hate the winter, and almost surely have SAD. If only I lived in San Diego or Maui, where those kind of considerations aren't really necessary. Clouds, grey skies, and precipitation always dampen my mood. A clear June sky with temperatures in the 70's is gauranteed to put a smile on my face. I love it.
You know what else I love? I love slim half-asian girls. I'm talking SLIM and I'm talking half-Japanese. That is SWEEET and I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. Hahaha weird.
I'm withholding the hand for 5 days, starting a 5-day cycle program to keep my aggressiveness, intent, and overall HulkSmashness at peak. My life seems to be better when I moderate that shit. The first cycle ends on Sunday night.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
TO BE REVISED: The J-O-B
CURRENT JOB:
I'm curently working as an audio transcriber. It pays like 11 or 12 an hour, and I do it 4 hours a day if I'm working that day. If I work a full week (rare), I make just over 200. I can't work a full week, because I lose my mind doing this job. It's painful, and evil.
PROBLEM:
The main problem is that I simply don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life for a career. I've been temporarily interested in everything from concert pianist to hip hop producer, salesman, small business entrepreneur, and I'm sure the list WOULD continue were I not DECIDING right now to make a choice in my life and go for it.
It's becoming apparent to me that it's CRUCIAL I get a job/career that I LOVE, because I'm growing increasingly more frustrated with my work, my quality and quantity of transcription is decreasing daily, and I spend more time grinding and getting mired in my own situation. Also, I believe that my life overall is not good enough for me to be picking up women.
I know that you don't have to love your life, your job, or whatever to pick up women. One day I will subconsciously realize that (probably once I have righted this wrong). In the meantime, my frustration with the direction of my life is useful and important. I can use this frustration to build something for myself.
FAILURES:
I have tried countless times to get a fresh start, 'commit' to doing things, big and small, to amend the situation. My commitments almost always fail, and my starts are unerringly stale every time. I feel like a sucker. I never stop trying, yet I constantly give up when it means taking action. I would be 100X happier if I TRIED every time and simply failed, because that would mean I'm not a quitter, which is how I feel when I don't approach, don't do my work, don't fulfill some promise to myself or others, etc.
IDEAS:
I hold myself accountable only to my blogs and my thoughts. I can involve other people, even in the most simple of obligations until I am on my way. That would be best. I should include people in my life decisions, esp. my dad, with whom I'm living. That could provide some real leverage, because I really don't like being lectured or scolded by him on my obligations.
I have another post to make on my other blog. I'll come back and revise this later
I'm curently working as an audio transcriber. It pays like 11 or 12 an hour, and I do it 4 hours a day if I'm working that day. If I work a full week (rare), I make just over 200. I can't work a full week, because I lose my mind doing this job. It's painful, and evil.
PROBLEM:
The main problem is that I simply don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life for a career. I've been temporarily interested in everything from concert pianist to hip hop producer, salesman, small business entrepreneur, and I'm sure the list WOULD continue were I not DECIDING right now to make a choice in my life and go for it.
It's becoming apparent to me that it's CRUCIAL I get a job/career that I LOVE, because I'm growing increasingly more frustrated with my work, my quality and quantity of transcription is decreasing daily, and I spend more time grinding and getting mired in my own situation. Also, I believe that my life overall is not good enough for me to be picking up women.
I know that you don't have to love your life, your job, or whatever to pick up women. One day I will subconsciously realize that (probably once I have righted this wrong). In the meantime, my frustration with the direction of my life is useful and important. I can use this frustration to build something for myself.
FAILURES:
I have tried countless times to get a fresh start, 'commit' to doing things, big and small, to amend the situation. My commitments almost always fail, and my starts are unerringly stale every time. I feel like a sucker. I never stop trying, yet I constantly give up when it means taking action. I would be 100X happier if I TRIED every time and simply failed, because that would mean I'm not a quitter, which is how I feel when I don't approach, don't do my work, don't fulfill some promise to myself or others, etc.
IDEAS:
I hold myself accountable only to my blogs and my thoughts. I can involve other people, even in the most simple of obligations until I am on my way. That would be best. I should include people in my life decisions, esp. my dad, with whom I'm living. That could provide some real leverage, because I really don't like being lectured or scolded by him on my obligations.
I have another post to make on my other blog. I'll come back and revise this later
OR: Utterly typical
i sarged till my feet hurt. I walked for maybe 3 hours, opened maybe 3 or 4 girls. Nothing too impressive. The girls always seem to get nervous and want to get away from me. I think I'm smiling, so that should be defusing most of the creepy. I'm not really sure where I'm going wrong, but every set is filled with lots of nervousness (mostly from them). I freaked out pre-approach, wandered for 5-10 minutes talking myself up, finally approached crashed and burned on a goddamned 5 in the Coop. What the fuck!
Anyway, my sets are not good. I'm not a normal person or something. Maybe 70% of the responses I'm getting SHOULD be pinging to me that I am a weirdo and socially unacceptable. Thank god I don't care and don't live in a tribe. I am at the point of conversational normalcy, IMO, although there's some subcommunication that isnt coming out right. I will look into it.
The possible reasons are:
-personal space: I don't really violate this much lately
-smiling: I don't consciously think if I'm smiling or not, I might not be
-Awkward pauses: I have them because my mind is constantly blanking
I'm not great at picking apart my interactions, because I'm fully immersed in the nervousness and emotions of trying to be a cool person. It takes all my faculties to keep up conversationally and to be witty.
Also, I don't give myself permission to be as interesting as I could be, because I don't feel that I have a life worth talking about, as untrue as that may be. Haha damnit. Everybody else I know has sticking points emanating from their outer game (which, ironically, probably has some minimal basis in their inner game). Point being, I'm sabotaging myself because in my mind, beautiful and interesting women have no place in the life that I am living. Perhaps a lot of this is created by societal bullshit about financial success, etc. But as it stands now, I don't have a life I'm passionate about, and I don't want to share the life I'm living with others. Whew.
When I started this blog, it was going to be about pickup. I read other guys' blogs and they would often extend their posts to other things like career, friendships, etc. I wanted to compartmentalize it. That's a mistake.
Here's something interesting. My mom asked me today what I would do if I had any amount of money. It's a good question, but my mind blanked. I wanted to travel, but had no specific destination in mind. I eventually answered that I would go to the Siberian Steppes and meditate, because it sounds like a really cool time.
It's a good answer, but what was scary was the blankness in my mind when she asked about future plans. Even thinking about future plans fills my mind with self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and a cloud of negativity. I always switch topics when people ask me what I want to do for a job, or where I want to be in a few years. That stuff is scary.
I'm about to put up a post detailing my careerhood.
Anyway, my sets are not good. I'm not a normal person or something. Maybe 70% of the responses I'm getting SHOULD be pinging to me that I am a weirdo and socially unacceptable. Thank god I don't care and don't live in a tribe. I am at the point of conversational normalcy, IMO, although there's some subcommunication that isnt coming out right. I will look into it.
The possible reasons are:
-personal space: I don't really violate this much lately
-smiling: I don't consciously think if I'm smiling or not, I might not be
-Awkward pauses: I have them because my mind is constantly blanking
I'm not great at picking apart my interactions, because I'm fully immersed in the nervousness and emotions of trying to be a cool person. It takes all my faculties to keep up conversationally and to be witty.
Also, I don't give myself permission to be as interesting as I could be, because I don't feel that I have a life worth talking about, as untrue as that may be. Haha damnit. Everybody else I know has sticking points emanating from their outer game (which, ironically, probably has some minimal basis in their inner game). Point being, I'm sabotaging myself because in my mind, beautiful and interesting women have no place in the life that I am living. Perhaps a lot of this is created by societal bullshit about financial success, etc. But as it stands now, I don't have a life I'm passionate about, and I don't want to share the life I'm living with others. Whew.
When I started this blog, it was going to be about pickup. I read other guys' blogs and they would often extend their posts to other things like career, friendships, etc. I wanted to compartmentalize it. That's a mistake.
Here's something interesting. My mom asked me today what I would do if I had any amount of money. It's a good question, but my mind blanked. I wanted to travel, but had no specific destination in mind. I eventually answered that I would go to the Siberian Steppes and meditate, because it sounds like a really cool time.
It's a good answer, but what was scary was the blankness in my mind when she asked about future plans. Even thinking about future plans fills my mind with self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and a cloud of negativity. I always switch topics when people ask me what I want to do for a job, or where I want to be in a few years. That stuff is scary.
I'm about to put up a post detailing my careerhood.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Pudo- Path of the Pick Up
TO BECOME THE WISE MAN, FIRST YOU MUST BE THE FOOL
Lol if anyone has daygamed with me, then they know how much I love saying this. I'm going to say it to my targets more.
I went out today and opened 4 sets. Two didn't speak enoguh English and tried really hard to blow me off. One girl freaked out and kept walking. I can't remember the fourth set, but it was probably a boring asexual conversation and she bounced after chatting a few seconds.
I need to bring more personality to bear in these interactions. That means JOKES and TEASES. I don't seem to do this enough.
Lol if anyone has daygamed with me, then they know how much I love saying this. I'm going to say it to my targets more.
I went out today and opened 4 sets. Two didn't speak enoguh English and tried really hard to blow me off. One girl freaked out and kept walking. I can't remember the fourth set, but it was probably a boring asexual conversation and she bounced after chatting a few seconds.
I need to bring more personality to bear in these interactions. That means JOKES and TEASES. I don't seem to do this enough.
Friday, August 8, 2008
KUNG FU TRAINING
What makes kung fu movies so fun to watch?
It's the training montages.
It's fun to watch a young man have his understanding and capabilities challenged and increased by a wiser and older mentor. In many ways, that is how the great skillsets of the world are passed on: pickup, smithying, martial arts, sewmanship, sailing, etc. It's a passing on of knowledge. It's great to see someone pushing themselves and hitting the fundamentals OVER and OVER again in ways to increase their abilities.
Unfortunately, I never experienced anything specifically like that beyond classes at school in subjects that ultimately didn't interest me.
In the same way that martial artists do pushups with stones on their backs, I should do pickup with some element of my game missing: voice, expression, BL, kino, eye contact, etc.
Anyway, in case I haven't mentioned it before, this is brain fart week until Wednesday. No likes, uh, um, you know, right, basically, etc. I'm scrapping push-pull month, because I can't multi-focus like that. My brain is too damn simple.
It's the training montages.
It's fun to watch a young man have his understanding and capabilities challenged and increased by a wiser and older mentor. In many ways, that is how the great skillsets of the world are passed on: pickup, smithying, martial arts, sewmanship, sailing, etc. It's a passing on of knowledge. It's great to see someone pushing themselves and hitting the fundamentals OVER and OVER again in ways to increase their abilities.
Unfortunately, I never experienced anything specifically like that beyond classes at school in subjects that ultimately didn't interest me.
In the same way that martial artists do pushups with stones on their backs, I should do pickup with some element of my game missing: voice, expression, BL, kino, eye contact, etc.
Anyway, in case I haven't mentioned it before, this is brain fart week until Wednesday. No likes, uh, um, you know, right, basically, etc. I'm scrapping push-pull month, because I can't multi-focus like that. My brain is too damn simple.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Computer
My laptop's screen isn't working. I'm writing this from work. Updates will be analog (paper and pen) until I get my computer working again, or theoretically buy a new computer. If I do buy a new computer, it will be a desktop. Why not? It's easier to play games and waste time with, and I only use the portability of my laptop to watch the Blueprint at my mom's house in Westford. I could do that on one of her bf's spares. It's just basic AVI format, anyway. Anyway, I'm at a technological deficit- my iPod is broken/reset, laptop isn't workign, and I'm trying to avoid using ther XBOX. Just books, CDs, journals and my imagination, I guess.
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