12 Days In

It has been 12 days of being pickup free, although I kind of cheated Saturday night. I visited my buddy at UMA, and I hit up a party and chatted up females. But it was in the context of rolling with my buddies, so it's all good. I haven't gone to mASF, RSDnation, BLair (in fact, I can't even get in to see if anyone suggested a job I could take on my 'break' thread... did Warwick boot me?), Bristollair, or whatever. I have briefly checked some of the blogs out there, only because I know the people, and it's a way to see what's going on, plus they sometimes are interesting beyond PU stuff. I haven't actively sarged girls besides the UMA trip, and I've tried to put my energy into job searching and solidifying my identity.

My reflections on 'leaving the community' are as follows:
-FMAC is trivial in the larger scheme of life.
-Trivial as boning girls is, it's something that is directly tied into my ego. It's somewhat comforting to give myself permission not to sarge, but seeing beautiful girls (especially at the UMA party) with dudes makes me fairly jealous and desiring of beautiful women in my life.
-The Blueprint is awesome. I have been watching it because a lot of it has to do with identity, societal norms, and other useful and enlightening concepts.
-A lot of my friends are in the Lair. In fact, at this point, I mostly am seeing lair people rather than friends from elsewhere.
-I don't have friends outside of the Lair, College, and High School. That's a problem. I need to expand my horizons.
-Trying to focus all of my energy on one thing is difficult for me, because of my problems with sustained focus. I have too many little things I do that soak up my time. I'll talk about this on my life blog, because it has little to do with PU.
-I am not satisfied with my level of success with women.
-I have a clearer idea of where women fit into my life. I am looking for a long term exclusive relationship, but I don't need to have one, and I won't settle until a girl fulfills real qualifications for real. I won't blur the lines because of neediness or whatever. I will make exceptions only for certain girls: that specifically includes hip hop video dancers and import models. There are seperate, purely physical requirements for them. I am very much not looking for one night stands, unless the situations necessitates it. With plenty of exceptions, I generally feel pretty uncomfortable fucking without knowing the girl well.
-Without a job, I'm dead in the water. Without a life, I'm dead in the water. This isn't because it's externally important to women, but because it's internally disruptive for me.